Everything is Different

Assalamualaikum. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I don't know where to begin. This post has been in the draft for weeks. 

Last semester is the hardest part of my degree life as it was the final semester. So many assignments, course works and of course final year project. The workloads really stressed me out. Woke up with puffy eyes as I would go to bed in tears like almost everyday. Down with fever.  I became emotional throughout the semester. My mood was up and down.

So here's the thing - there is somebody that has been with me for almost 3 years. So, we had a huge argument during the crucial time of the semester. That was the first argument that effected us. As far as I know, we already solved the problem and came clean to each other. We are good right now. Texting each other as usual. Telling stories like before.

However, there is this feelings inside my heart that says everything seems different and wrong. I don't know if it was just my feelings but I can feel it that we're not the same as we were.

Two weeks after finishing the semester, he got a job somewhere in KL while I'm in Selangor. The last time we met was 4 months ago. Never meet him since then and he never call. We only contact each other through texts until this month I rarely got text from him. I don't know either he is busy or what (husnuzon). We've never been in this situation before. He never acted like this.

Somehow I gave hints to call me back or meet me. They are actually failed. Either he didn't get them or he just don't want to.

I actually waited for him to come meet me or ask me to meet him or even call me. It also getting awkward day by day. I don't know whether I can keep talking like before if I meet him after this. He didn't like it when I'm not talking (I really love to talk tho).

Sometimes I feel sad thinking of our situation. Sometimes I feel nothing (most of the time) and don't care anymore. I'm afraid to open up this things to him. Afraid that we will fight again and become stranger.

Kind of missing the old us. Happy. Missing the times we shared stories and thoughts, laughed on lame jokes. Met up to catch up our life or to go food hunting and sometimes be on the phone talking for hours.

Hoping for hikmah behind everything that had happened.

"Allah is the best planner."

"Kalau ada, ada la."