Thursday, February 23, 2017

Twice

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ASSALAMUALAIKUM. BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.

Never take anything for granted. Kenapa? Masalahnya berpunca daripada diri sendiri. Selalu over confident that I've got everything I need whenever I'm going back to hometown. Akhirnya I'm repeating the same mistakes twice. *padan muka*

Alkisahnya, hari Selasa lepas aku nak pergi buat account closure untuk Yes 4G. Dah siap google ni baca semua kat website apa document yang diperlukan untuk buat termination. Jadi berbekalkan confident yang membuak-buak (exaggerate je) aku memang yakin 200% yang dalam purse ada IC yang sekeping tu. Tak check dah. Sebab selalu bukak tutup purse nampak ada kad matrik. Lepas last paper haritu memang yakin ni dah letak balik dalam purse sekali kad matrik. Plus, tempat letak IC tu terlindung sikit IC nya.

So, bila sampai kat centre aku cakap nak buat termination bla bla bla pung pang pung pang. Then, orang tu mintak IC. Ok confident ni bukak purse nak ambik IC. Pastu belek punya belek, TAK ADA oit. Belek lagi. Muka dah gelabah gila bercampur segan. Yang jumpa kad ptptn adolah. Kaler lebih kurang en (jangan gelak lah!). Nasib baik tak bagi kad ptptn. Kalau tak, tak tahu la nak sorok muka celah mana. Takpe la orang tu cakap datang esok lusa. Balik cari IC dulu. (setengah jam kot daripada rumah nak ke centre T_T) Kene buat termination sebelum Jumaat masalahnya. Proses ambik masa 24 hours. Cycle baru 25 Feb ni, nanti kena bayar. Tanok (wuwuwu). Jumaat nak balik dah mana sempat. Ni la masalahnya bila tarikh tamat contract gap hanya few days dengan tarikh new billing (nangis tepi katil T_T).

Seriously I don't remember where I put my IC. Not at all. Puas cari, fikir. Last sekali tengok masa final paper tu. And that was one month ago. *sigh* 2 hari nak balik Selangor jugak baru perasan.

Stress fikir. Yang lagi stress bila fikir hari Jumaat nak naik flight. Jumaat esok! Dalam masa 2 hari mana nak cari. Nak buat IC baru sebab tercicir mahal ya ampun. 110MYR! Sedih sangat (sobs).

Jeng jeng jeng! Akhirnya jumpa. Tercicir kat rumah akak kat Selangor (masalah bila ada 2 rumah). Okay. This is wrong. This is my own mistake. Bukan salah rumah tu. So, akak pos hari rabu, kelmarin. Harini sampai dah. Guna Skynet. Tapi cuak jugak setiap 10 minit track parcel. Alhamdulillah tengah hari tadi pihak Skynet call tanya rumah tapi I said to do self pick up (cepat sikit). Boleh la aku naik flight esok. Tak de la burn tiket macam tu je (terharu T_T).

Sama macam 3 bulan lepas. Bukan tercicir tapi tertinggal dengan kawan. Mintak tolong dia pegangkan kejap. Sampai balik Kelantan lupa. Sama. 2 hari nak naik flight baru perasan. Careless sangat saya ni T_T

Well I've learn my lessons. Don't be too lazy to check your important documents such as ID, driving license etc. Always check them in case you need them for emergency.

Footnote: Saya janji tak buat dah lepas ni. Insof dah ni T_T

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

She's Fine

2 comments:
ASSALAMUALAIKUM. BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.

It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right.

She loves sleep. Her life has this tendency to fall apart when she's awake.

Maybe she is crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.

They look at her and think, "she's so happy" but there's so much behind this fake smile that they will never know.

It seems to her that the harder she tries the harder she falls.

It's funny the way you can get used to the tears and the pain.

What do you do when you become too scared, too scared to live, too scared to die, too scared to love, too scared to even care?

Sometimes the littlest thing in life change someone forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much.

Sometimes she think that if she wasn't so good at pretending to be happy, she'd be better at actually being happy.

She quits, she gives up, nothing's good enough for anybody else, it see... when she's all alone its best way to be. When she's by herself nobody else can say good-bye. Everything is temporary anyway.

Every night before she goes to sleep she lies on her bed and stares up at her blank walls. She tries to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All she can see is a past that she barely recognize any more.

She doesn't want the world to see her, because she doesn't think that they'd understand.

Look at her. They may thinkthey see who she really is, but they'll never know her.

There's a smile on her face but she doesn't know why it's there... She put it on to satisfy all the people that don't even care.

She's often silent when she is screaming inside.

The deepest people are the ones who've been hurt the most.

Sometimes she feels like nobody has held her down and forced her to cry or made her hug them, or seen to the inside of her. She just say "oh I'm fine" and walk away. Nobody's ever said to her "no, you're not".

She's not her usual self being quiet and lonely isn't 'her' crying all night, acting all day this isn't how it's supposed to be.

What's the point in screaming? No one is listening anyway.

Everyone sees who she appears to be but only a few know the real her, they only see what she chooses to show there's so much behind her smile they just don't know.

The only thing standing between her and total happiness is reality.

In that one instance she hated everyone in her life, everyone and everything, and herself most of all.

She'll fake all the smiles, if it stops all the questions.

Behind this innocent smile of hers, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeated inside her head.

She smiles on the outside, and everyone thinks she's doing fine but she's always dying inside, always one step away from the edge.

Just because some people don't cry, doesn't mean they're not suffering.

These scars are creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces to tell your story, you don't need to say a word.

Someday she'll fly away.

She was lost. There was nobody for her to talk to about all that they were troubling her with. So she sat alone, with everything inside, and cried herself to sleep.

In reality, she's slowly losing her mind. Underneath the guise of smile, gradually she's dying inside. Friends ask her how she feels and she lies convincingly. Cause she doesn’t want to reveal the fact that she's suffering. So she wear her disguise till she goes home at night and turn down all the lights and then she breaks down and cries.

"I'm okay..." isn't that what she's supposed to say?

How will they know she is hurting, if they cannot see her pain? To wear it on her body, tells what words cannot explain.


Credit: X

Monday, February 20, 2017

Upside Down

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ASSALAMUALAIKUM. BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.

Well as you know, now I'm on semester breaks. Which is the fifth semester breaks. It's gonna end soon. 2 weeks from now. And I will go back to Selangor a week earlier which is on 24th February, this upcoming Friday.

Sedar tak sedar aku dah berjaya menempuh 5 semester. Tinggal lagi 3 semester where this September I will do my internship (oh so close already - very nervous).

I want to recap a little bit about this semester (semester 5) which was slightly different with previous semesters. Silibus dah masuk fasa lain (talking about studio). Students need to concentrate more on doing research, critical thinking, brainstorming, generating new ideas and translating all of that into some reports. This is also applicable for another 2 semesters (exclude internship). Another subjects also tak kurang mencabar sebab we're working more on theories, laws, policies etc. Oh my brain are very weak on these kind of things. Readings. Facts.

Untuk studio, kami kena buat beberapa stage of reports such as Laporan Awalan, Laporan Teknikal, Laporan Pemeriksaan (kami tak perlu buat) which all these reports have their own roles in helping us to create the final product, Draf Rancangan Struktur Negeri (DRSN). Oh ya. Kami buat dalam Bahasa Melayu sebab kena ikut akta perancangan bandar. (I'll be explain about this and all things related to my degree studies later on another post).

This time our site was in Perak. And guess what? Kami wajib cover semua kawasan kat Perak yang besar tu. As usual, site visit only 7 days maximum. Memang tak sempat la nak pergi singgah semua kan. Pergi yang penting or ade significant landmarks je. Tu pun menyesal sebab susah sangat bila tak pergi tengok sendiri dengan mata ni keadaan semua tempat. Nak depend on secondary data sangat susah sebab ada data yang insufficient due to some problems. Kena buat thorough research.

Banyak problems yang timbul along the way. Problems tu sangat menguji diri every each of us. Project ni buat in big groups, small groups and as a whole class. Not a single thing in individual. Yes. Part gaduh mesti ada. Huru-hara sangat. Allahu. Bila bekerja in groups ni macam-macam dugaan. Ada yang tak buat kerja, tak participate, lepas tangan. Macam-macam lagi la. Sangat banyak cerita air mata. Air mata tu dah jadi best friend dah. We failed to meet every deadline of submissions. Always postpone. Nasib baik lecturers terima. Tak tahu kenapa banyak sangat problems. Final presentation pun tunda. Memang study week kami tak study siapkan final report and preparing for final presentation. Banyak inner problems actually. Tu semua between us. Let we kept them within ourselves. Sampai satu tahap I feels like I want to erase this semester. Taknak ada memories pasal semua yang jadi for this 5 months.

Semester ni sangatlah banyak pengajaran. Above all, the most important lesson, it taught me to be more matured and kena pandai bawa diri. Jangan terlalu percaya kat orang. Be kind and jangan sombong, jangan berasa diri tu lebih daripada orang, jangan ego. Ramai lagi orang yang lagi bagus lagi elok daripada diri kita. Orang yang diabaikan tu nanti la yang akan tolong kita. Dalam dunia ni kita bukan hidup sendirian. Buat baik dengan orang lain so that orang pun akan berbuat baik dengan kita. Kita takkan mampu hidup sendiri sedangkan kita bernafas ini pun dengan ehsan Allah SWT.

On the authority of Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) who said: the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said:
“Look at those who are beneath you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider as less the blessing of Allah.” [Bukharee (6490), abridged & in Muslim (2963) in its completion.]
A person should not long for this dunya (world). Nor should he be troubled by what falls upon him of calamities. He should be patient and seek his reward with Allah. Whether he is poor, sick or suchlike. The dunya is a place of trials! He should therefore not be troubled due to that which falls upon him regarding trials and tribulations. 

Footnote: I'll write about the site visit to Perak later (interesting part of all).

Friday, February 10, 2017

Oreo Crepe Cake

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ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

Sebenarnya aku dah mencapai tahap tak tahu nak buat apa kat rumah ni. Dah 2 minggu ulang benda sama (you know what I mean - student thinggy). And of course being a bibik is included.

Sebelum start cuti semester ni macam-macam aku plan, from A-Z nak buat apa kat rumah ni includes going to short vacay and doing some baking. Yes baking. I love cooking and baking because I'm a foodie. No doubt. Ingat nak try a few of new recipes but I'm not lucky enough as the oven is broken. Not functioning as it should be. And yeah it's because of my 'beloved' brothah. --'

Harapan tinggal harapan. Perancanganku terbantut. Kuciwa sungguh hati ini. Pelamin anganku musnah. Eh! Ehehe.

So, bila dah cukup istirehat and takde apa nak buat sangat ni, my second job at home is scrolling. Twitter, instagram etc. Tahu jela kan kat situ selalu orang retweet and keluar kat explore video masak-masak tu. Usually yang ada tasty kat last part video. Berair mulut den tengok. Sedap ngat eh. Geram betul.

Ternampak video buat crepe cake and dia tak payah bake pun. Buat macam lempeng je atas pan just nipis and besar sikit diameter daripada lempeng. So, I decided to try! Godek sana sini resepinya.  Cari yang sesuai and untuk beginner.

I try buat oreo crepe cake. Tapi fillings dia aku tukar daripada whip cream pakai cream cheese. Kat supermarket dekat rumah aku takda whip cream and Imma so lazy to go to other shop. Heehehe. Halal je la cream cheese pun. Lagipun mixer-nya enggak ada. Gue malas nak whip gebu-gebu pakai tangan. Penat. Hihi.

Sorry takda resepi sebab sampai halfway tu dah tak ikut resepi buat ikut instinct sendiri. Campak-campak je. Tapi boleh refer Eugiene Kitchen untuk resepi. Easy je step dia bagi. Ada video lagi. Good luck. ^.^

Tadaa! Bad presentation uh? Or failed? But the taste is sedap. Kira pass la for first trial. (Buat decision sendiri. Hahah)

Foot note: Kebas jari menaip pakai phone. Zzzz

Monday, February 6, 2017

Future

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ASSALAMUALAIKUM.

Yes long time no see. As usual when there's no one to talk to, I'll come back here and write up some of my thoughts. 

How fast time flies. It's already February of 2017. Rasa macam baru semalam tinggal 2016. Yes itulah masa. Makin dekat dengan penghujung dunia makin cepat dia berlalu pergi jauh tinggalkan kita semua yang masih kaku berdiri di tempat yang sama.

In one month, I'll be one year older than last year. Absolutely. Which I'm getting older. Nah no hard feelings on that. Came across to this thought made me think about future; my future, your future and everyone's future. Bila fikir pasal masa depan ni selalu takut. Takut mati. Takut kiamat. Takut dengan dunia sekarang. But hey... life must go on aite. Put all those aside as they will sure happen no matter what. Already written.

Here's came a thought of topic about life after school. I mean after we graduated from university and get yourself a job. To be exact, it was about job, marriage and a house! Yes a house. I'd discussed about this with some of my friends. Most of us (girls), after getting a job, we're not thinking to get married tho. However, we're going to focus on savings for our future which is getting a house which we think compulsory as the price nowadays getting higher and way more expensive. Oh and of course la for those yang taking loans such as ptptn for their studies (like me) nak settle bayar hutang sekali after getting a job.

For us, getting married ni takde la penting sangat (unless your jodoh already there). It's up to you la nak kahwin awal or not. Bukan takde keinginan untuk kahwin tapi it's like girls pun nak stable dulu hidup. Settle mane yang patut. Nak balas jasa mak ayah lagi. Takkan la nak totally 100% depend on your future husband later. We, ourselves want to be independent. Belajar sampai dapat degree, master etc. takkan tak nak guna sijil-sijil and ilmu tu kan. Nak jugak merasa hasil titik peluh sendiri. Plus, takkan nak savings duit kahwin semata. Kahwin tu sekali buat je majlis-nya (yela dua kali la termasuk bertandang). Hidup lepas kahwin lagi penting. Takkan lepas kahwin nak makan pasir kata orang. Yedok?

Tapi ada some of my friends (boys) cakap yang it's a bit difficult to them if perempuan ni terlalu berdikari and terlalu tinggi statusnya daripada diorang (the boys). Entah la nak. Dunia sekarang bukan macam dulu; perempuan semua duduk dapur je. Sekarang both; dapur boleh; pejabat pun boleh. Chill.

Fikir pasal masa depan ni takkan habis. Lagi buat kita rasa tua. Oh I'm getting older *sobbing hard*. Takpe la. Sama-sama la savings. Give and take laki bini kalau yang nak kahwin tu. Tak rugi pun. Benefit-nya sama-sama dapat jugak. Fikir duniawi ni jangan sampai abaikan ukhrawi. Biar balance. Hidup di dunia ni bukan selamanya. Singgah kejap je ambik bekalan.

Foot note: Penat la fikir. Jom makan!