Thursday, February 23, 2017

Twice

1 comment:
ASSALAMUALAIKUM. BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.

Never take anything for granted. Kenapa? Masalahnya berpunca daripada diri sendiri. Selalu over confident that I've got everything I need whenever I'm going back to hometown. Akhirnya I'm repeating the same mistakes twice. *padan muka*

Alkisahnya, hari Selasa lepas aku nak pergi buat account closure untuk Yes 4G. Dah siap google ni baca semua kat website apa document yang diperlukan untuk buat termination. Jadi berbekalkan confident yang membuak-buak (exaggerate je) aku memang yakin 200% yang dalam purse ada IC yang sekeping tu. Tak check dah. Sebab selalu bukak tutup purse nampak ada kad matrik. Lepas last paper haritu memang yakin ni dah letak balik dalam purse sekali kad matrik. Plus, tempat letak IC tu terlindung sikit IC nya.

So, bila sampai kat centre aku cakap nak buat termination bla bla bla pung pang pung pang. Then, orang tu mintak IC. Ok confident ni bukak purse nak ambik IC. Pastu belek punya belek, TAK ADA oit. Belek lagi. Muka dah gelabah gila bercampur segan. Yang jumpa kad ptptn adolah. Kaler lebih kurang en (jangan gelak lah!). Nasib baik tak bagi kad ptptn. Kalau tak, tak tahu la nak sorok muka celah mana. Takpe la orang tu cakap datang esok lusa. Balik cari IC dulu. (setengah jam kot daripada rumah nak ke centre T_T) Kene buat termination sebelum Jumaat masalahnya. Proses ambik masa 24 hours. Cycle baru 25 Feb ni, nanti kena bayar. Tanok (wuwuwu). Jumaat nak balik dah mana sempat. Ni la masalahnya bila tarikh tamat contract gap hanya few days dengan tarikh new billing (nangis tepi katil T_T).

Seriously I don't remember where I put my IC. Not at all. Puas cari, fikir. Last sekali tengok masa final paper tu. And that was one month ago. *sigh* 2 hari nak balik Selangor jugak baru perasan.

Stress fikir. Yang lagi stress bila fikir hari Jumaat nak naik flight. Jumaat esok! Dalam masa 2 hari mana nak cari. Nak buat IC baru sebab tercicir mahal ya ampun. 110MYR! Sedih sangat (sobs).

Jeng jeng jeng! Akhirnya jumpa. Tercicir kat rumah akak kat Selangor (masalah bila ada 2 rumah). Okay. This is wrong. This is my own mistake. Bukan salah rumah tu. So, akak pos hari rabu, kelmarin. Harini sampai dah. Guna Skynet. Tapi cuak jugak setiap 10 minit track parcel. Alhamdulillah tengah hari tadi pihak Skynet call tanya rumah tapi I said to do self pick up (cepat sikit). Boleh la aku naik flight esok. Tak de la burn tiket macam tu je (terharu T_T).

Sama macam 3 bulan lepas. Bukan tercicir tapi tertinggal dengan kawan. Mintak tolong dia pegangkan kejap. Sampai balik Kelantan lupa. Sama. 2 hari nak naik flight baru perasan. Careless sangat saya ni T_T

Well I've learn my lessons. Don't be too lazy to check your important documents such as ID, driving license etc. Always check them in case you need them for emergency.

Footnote: Saya janji tak buat dah lepas ni. Insof dah ni T_T

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

She's Fine

2 comments:
ASSALAMUALAIKUM. BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM.

It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right.

She loves sleep. Her life has this tendency to fall apart when she's awake.

Maybe she is crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by.

They look at her and think, "she's so happy" but there's so much behind this fake smile that they will never know.

It seems to her that the harder she tries the harder she falls.

It's funny the way you can get used to the tears and the pain.

What do you do when you become too scared, too scared to live, too scared to die, too scared to love, too scared to even care?

Sometimes the littlest thing in life change someone forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much.

Sometimes she think that if she wasn't so good at pretending to be happy, she'd be better at actually being happy.

She quits, she gives up, nothing's good enough for anybody else, it see... when she's all alone its best way to be. When she's by herself nobody else can say good-bye. Everything is temporary anyway.

Every night before she goes to sleep she lies on her bed and stares up at her blank walls. She tries to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls. All she can see is a past that she barely recognize any more.

She doesn't want the world to see her, because she doesn't think that they'd understand.

Look at her. They may thinkthey see who she really is, but they'll never know her.

There's a smile on her face but she doesn't know why it's there... She put it on to satisfy all the people that don't even care.

She's often silent when she is screaming inside.

The deepest people are the ones who've been hurt the most.

Sometimes she feels like nobody has held her down and forced her to cry or made her hug them, or seen to the inside of her. She just say "oh I'm fine" and walk away. Nobody's ever said to her "no, you're not".

She's not her usual self being quiet and lonely isn't 'her' crying all night, acting all day this isn't how it's supposed to be.

What's the point in screaming? No one is listening anyway.

Everyone sees who she appears to be but only a few know the real her, they only see what she chooses to show there's so much behind her smile they just don't know.

The only thing standing between her and total happiness is reality.

In that one instance she hated everyone in her life, everyone and everything, and herself most of all.

She'll fake all the smiles, if it stops all the questions.

Behind this innocent smile of hers, lay words left unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeated inside her head.

She smiles on the outside, and everyone thinks she's doing fine but she's always dying inside, always one step away from the edge.

Just because some people don't cry, doesn't mean they're not suffering.

These scars are creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces to tell your story, you don't need to say a word.

Someday she'll fly away.

She was lost. There was nobody for her to talk to about all that they were troubling her with. So she sat alone, with everything inside, and cried herself to sleep.

In reality, she's slowly losing her mind. Underneath the guise of smile, gradually she's dying inside. Friends ask her how she feels and she lies convincingly. Cause she doesn’t want to reveal the fact that she's suffering. So she wear her disguise till she goes home at night and turn down all the lights and then she breaks down and cries.

"I'm okay..." isn't that what she's supposed to say?

How will they know she is hurting, if they cannot see her pain? To wear it on her body, tells what words cannot explain.


Credit: X